Class Listing 2023
Or, Shameless Self-Promotion.
If you, or an organization you attend classes at (or have local to you, or buy convention tix from every year, or...) would like to hire me to teach classes digitally or physically in 2023 or the first half of 2024, I'd love to do it! I have a couple conferences booked and as I've mentioned, I'm recording and editing some of my most popular classes as downloadables for release next spring, but there's nothing like a live class with Q&A.
These are the classes I have available right now. they all have 60 and 90 min formats available, although the ones with an asterisk I recommend running in the 90 min format particularly - they're very dense and feel rushed in the shorter version.
Class Title: Polyamory 101
Description: Information for beginners and those curious about polyamory and consensual non-monogamy, including:
Building Relationship Agreements
Dealing With Jealousy
Is Non-Monogamy Right for You?
Common Bumps in the Road
Coming out to Family and Friends
Class Title: Beyond the Kitchen Table
Description: Many polyamorous "authorities" present kitchen-table groups as the holy grail of polyam interactions, and while these relationship styles work well for many people, structures that fall outside that framework can be equally positive and healthy. This class will focus on building parallel relationships, being intentional about your choice of how much to interact with your partners' wider networks and how to openly communicate about:
How to be entwined in someone's life but not close with a meta;
"Stepping off the relationship escalator"
How to negotiate wanting a different level of interaction than a meta does;
Balancing D/s concerns with poly concerns;
Maximizing personal responsibility and minimizing stress on hinge partners.
Class Title: Relationship Anarchy Applied: Play Partnerships*
Description: Lots of monogamous or monogamish people in the kink community allow for play with folks who aren't their partner and then run into emotional turmoil as a result. Applying the theory of relationship anarchy and considering these play partnerships as relationships connected by the Greek "ludus," playful love, we can give people tools to work through conflicts, negativity, & concerns they may have as they and their partners explore play with others. This class will engage in CBT style activities as a group and in handouts for folks to take home to reframe negative thinking about moments in partners' play with others and focus on joy points rather than pain points in these relationships, as well as contain some lecture on polyamorous theory.
Class Title: Polyamory and Parenting*
Description: Many polyamorous people have to address the strawman reaction of “But what about the children?” When they come out as polyamorous - and still more have concerns about how their relationships will intersect with them or their partners having children. This class touches on some of the biggest “kid issues” polyamorous folks will face, including:
Approaches to coming out to older children either as a theoretical idea or when you have additional relationships;
Addressing non-traditional family structures with toddlers and young children;
Explaining new partners and what their role is, or how it is evolving, to different age groups;
Concerns of schoolmates and other children yours may interact with;
Interactions with schools and doctors offices regarding children and additional partners or additional parents;
Legal concerns of multi-parent families;
Smoothing big relationship transitions for children, why and how one might want to do that.
Class Title: Fluid Bonding, STI Risks, and You: Change and Risk Assessment
Description: A detailed and frank discussion of what ‘fluid bonding’ means to different people in different relationship styles; how to discuss changes to your barrier use policies with partners; how to make agreements that can stand up to change in personal practice within our risk profiles; how to identify our personal and network risk profiles; as well as an up-to-date run down of effects, risk factors, and treatments of sexually transmitted infections. Taught by a sex-positive, self-identified slut, so as shame-free and stigma-busting as possible, but honest and statistically accurate.
Class Title: Boundary Expression and Enforcement (A 101 Class From a Former Doormat)*
Description: As a certified People Pleaser and Anxious Conflict Avoider, for many years I struggled immensely with communicating needs and boundaries with partners, friends, and metamours. Communication of needs and boundaries is the foundation of self-care in all relationships, but especially polyamorous relationships, where additional moving parts may necessitate additional communication around situational and emotional changes. This class is a roundup of strategies that I've been offered over the years by therapists, partners, and my own imagination, including the ones that don't work for me but do for others I know, to help attendees build their toolbox for this type of interaction.
Class Title: Intentional Relationships: Communication Strategies for Couples
Description: There are ways of talking, making agreements, and looking at attachment style & arguments that are popularized in discussing non-monogamy that are actually really helpful for dyads of any style. This class is “What can polyamory teach the monogamous?” And it’s about organizing your time together more intentionally, avoiding falling out of balance because of gender roles and relationship escalator stereotypes, nonviolent communication strategies, only truly fighting if it’s a hill you’re willing to die on, and identifying common hiccups in communication caused by mis-matched attachment styles that you can work together to build toward relationship security.
Class title: Non-Escalator Relationships: Strategies and Challenges
Description: In polyamorous relationships, but especially solopolyamorous or Relationship Anarchist relationships, we often step off the “relationship escalator” - that “first comes love, then comes marriage” pattern we all know from nursery rhymes that says our relationships are most valid if they end in the death of one half of the dyad after a lifetime together. Relationships that choose to operate otherwise pick their own milestones, celebrations, and end points, and this class offers up a workshop-style discussion of the various ways folks have chosen to do this as well as strategies to overcome common challenges to living life “off the escalator.”
Class Title: Polyamory and Power Exchange Relationships
Description: Power Exchange Relationships, or D/s relationships, can seem to be at odds with polyamorous theory, because of polyamory’s focus on personal responsibility and autonomy. This class breaks down some common problems encountered when combining D/s dynamics and polyamorous relationship styles, and offers strategies for working through those pitfalls, including:
Creating an egalitarian container within the D/s dynamic to negotiate polyamorous concerns
Pre-negotiation of relationship terms
Differentiating similar D/s relationships within a polycule
Including a D/s relationship in an otherwise egalitarian network
Negotiating the interaction of different power exchange relationships
Is my Dom's Master mine?
I also offer lots of time for workshop style discussion of what works for participants who are in multiple dynamics or one D/s dynamic within a larger polycule, so that class participants can hear a variety of experiences.
Class Title: Kink Negotiation Primer
Description: Are you beginning your kink journey? Have you been exploring a while but you’re trying things with new partners for the first time in a long time? This class is your 101 on negotiating scenes and navigating kink spaces. With strategies for vetting partners, identifying and sharing your personal boundaries, and etiquette for several kinds of events, spaces and parties in the kink scene, the goal is to give new players the tools to join their local community as full participants and grow their networks of kinky friends safely.
Class Title: Bottoming Safety 201: Negotiating Edgeplay Safely as a Bottom or Submissive*
Description: Most folks, when they enter a local scene or join a dungeon space, are required to take a basic negotiation class. These classes seldom touch on how to negotiate more intense scenes - or assume that one will automatically have gained the confidence and communication skills to express boundaries while negotiating a scene near the edge of one's comfort level. This class will address generally asserting boundaries with a top or dominant from a bottoming or submissive role; but also include safety issues to be aware of with some of the most popular 'edgy' play - understanding that one person's edge is another's bread and butter so there is no way for the class to be comprehensive for everyone in that. This class explicitly covers and includes handout resources and links for information on negotiation for knifeplay, breathplay, a variety of fear play, needles, fire, sadistic floor rope, suspension, and wax; and sometimes more by discussion within the class group.
Class Title: How To Bake a Sex Party (And Other Delicious Experiences) [Co-Presented w/ Jim Miles]
Class Description: Learn how to cook up a deliciously sexy event for yourself!We talk about how to create a fun, safe and intimate space, pick out themes, set intention and learn what tools you need for a successful play party. We address parties of varying sizes, moods, and modes so that folks who are intrigued by the idea of hosting but intimidated by the logistics - or very organization-brained but concerned about the vibe - can get a sense of how to make these come together to build the custom event they and their desired group need. We have a combined 20 years of sex- and kink- inclusive event hosting experience and want to share it with you.
If you're a fan but you need to give the organization you're pitching me to the hard sell, just remind them, I've been teaching about kink and nonmonogamy since 2018, and have taught at local spaces, conventions throughout the east coast and Midwest, and with digital organizations nationally, as well as being cited as an expert in many national publications (you can find a handy list on my about page). That said, if your Christmas gift to me can't be the gift of promoting me as shamelessly as I promote myself, there's always the entrepreneur's other best friends- buying my book, merch, tipping at ko-fi, or simply continuing to engage and follow on all the social media. Happy Holidays everybody!