Podcast Season 5 Episode 5: Mono plus Polyam Relationships
- Laura Boyle
- May 5, 2022
- 2 min read
"In this structure now, I have been able to figure out who I am and what I want. That isn't to say I haven't gone on dates - I've tried it - but my polysaturation point really is 1, and this way I have time for myself."
"A lot of the time, people don't know what they will want yet - and they say and ask for what makes them feel safe. So it can make sense to not want to date a monogamous person if you're polyam. But also, give each other a chance to see how it works out if the connection is real and you have the emotional space to do it, when this is someone you really like. Because maybe they'll break your heart or you'll break theirs. But maybe you won't."
On today's podcast episode, we discuss one of the most contentious segments of the polyamorous community: the Mono + Polyam relationship, where one partner truly feels monogamously oriented but is happy to engage with their polyam partner, who sees others. Phi of the Polyammering Blog and Monocorn Sanctuary facebook group is our guest today, talking about her essential beliefs that mono + polyam relationships work best when everyone approaches them from a relationship anarchist lens, when the monog person is essentially polyamorously-minded but polysaturated at one, and when communication is extremely open between partners.
With a hint of "dating isn't fun, but polycules can be!" and a discussion of how polyamory freed her from codependent patterns in previous relationships where she lost herself in couplehood, Phi shares a lot of intimate relationship history about her last several years in mono + polyam relationships.
Phoebe "Phi" Philips of polyammering.blog is a self-proclaimed Monocorn who has been writing, supporting, and educating on begalf of mono plus polyam relationships since 2015. She was recently named one of the top ten creators to follow on TikTok for polyamorous education.
Really appreciated Phi's perspective on figuring out what you actually want versus what feels safe. That resonated with me on a different level. When I moved to Chile, I had to go through a similar process of honest self-assessment about what kind of life I was building abroad. Chile's digital nomad visa was a key part of making that work, and the whole experience taught me a lot about being intentional with choices instead of defaulting to comfort. Thanks for sharing this conversation.
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Really enjoyed this episode — the discussion around mono-plus-polyam relationships is thoughtful and helps expand understanding of how different people navigate connection, communication, and boundaries, and I always find it useful when a post also encourages listeners to consider how they manage their time and emotional energy in any relationship style.
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