• Laura Boyle

Find your Flavor of Polyamory

Polyamory is a Choose Your Own Adventure Book


The upside of polyamory, as I hope I’ve said on this blog before, and I’ve said in every class I’ve ever taught out loud, is that it’s a choose your own adventure book. Every choice you make is a major choice that sets a path forward for each relationship, or that completely ends a path for it. I say this because there’s exactly the pattern of a CYOA book.





Sometimes you land in a hole and have to find a way out of one and your choice gets you back on a path or fails you and you end that one and return to the beginning of the book. It’s a negotiated, repeated as many successful times as you like to however “far into” the book is comfortable for each of your relationships. The book has many endings; each story has many ways it can go; each hole has many ways to get out or many ways to get stuck inside. It’s not a tv show - it’s a video game. There is no script, but there are missions. There are sections. There are patterns.


There is no other shape to polyamory. Polyamory is equally valid if it’s a triad you drive around a hole or into it or out of it or over it - or if it’s a constellation where you only have any control in two connections but those two don’t touch each other in the least. There is no magic shape or guidebook, even though we all keep trying to write them, in whole or in bits and pieces, and THAT is what I want you to take away. This is your adventure. This is your life. Live it.

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