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Relationship Agreement Tune Ups

Does your communication need a tune-up? Folks often find themselves talking at cross-purposes when they’re talking about relationship agreements. One partner will be having an embodied reaction to the events that are causing the conversation about the agreement, and the other will not and may feel like “by the letter of the agreement” nothing much has happened. In cases like these, the thing that really needs examining is whether the agreement is actually serving the purpose you intended - is it meeting the concern it’s meant to? What are the boundaries of the individuals that are driving these concerns?


As there are changes in our relationship networks, and in our lives, our feelings and our boundaries (which are never perfectly static) often shift in ways that our agreements do not always keep pace with. Communication about this can be particularly fraught because it requires not just identification of boundaries but of how they are changing; and a willingness to commit to growing simultaneously and acknowledge relationship evolution that may happen with that growth.



To support folks in these transitions, and to meet some people’s need to have some of these vulnerable conversations in one intensive burst rather than over time, I’ve created the Growth Cycles retreat. The November retreat is located in a beautiful country estate near Devil’s Hopyard State Park. Either before we begin Friday or after we conclude on Sunday afternoon, a visit to the state park and the waterfall there would be a wonderful add-on to your weekend. The actual property on which we’re staying has great wooded trails which you can take advantage of during our mid-day break Saturday if you choose. We’re going to work on the following topics during the several hours of coaching during the weekend:

  • What concerns underlie our relationship agreements?

  • Do our current agreements serve us? If not, how can they be adjusted?

  • How can we identify and respect our boundaries for ourselves so that we can better inform our partners of them and have relationships in the Venn diagram of our overlapped boundaries?

  • How does body language affect our communication? What intentional choices can we make to affect this in everyday communication and in conflict?

  • Boundaries, thoughts, and ideas shift with time and changes - what are some techniques to “get good” with the uncertainty of real life with our partners?

The weekend includes two nights of accommodations in private rooms, four meals, and over nine hours of coaching and workshops offered by an experienced polyamorous, sex-positive relationship coach and educator; and is priced at $1075 per dyad, a savings of over $500. There are a maximum of five spaces for folks to attend, based on the size of the house, and I've opened it up to my mailing list and Patreon first, so space is very limited - book now if you're interested.

 
 
 

20 Comments


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You're absolutely right that agreements often need to be examined beyond just the 'letter of the law' - it's about whether they're actually serving their intended purpose and respecting both partners' boundaries.

The comparison reminds me of how even in competitive games like Head Soccer, the most satisfying matches happen when players understand both the rules and the spirit of fair play. Maybe that's why revisiting agreements with empathy and flexibility often leads to better connection - it's about playing the same game, not just following the same rulebook

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