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Being Positive About Polyamory

Writer's picture: Laura BoyleLaura Boyle

There is exceptional pressure, as a non-normative style of relating, to share only, or very primarily, the good things about polyamorous relationships. Sharing struggles (which can be important to normalize them and make those of us in them feel less alone) can be seen as admitting the negative claims of monogamous culture about our relationships, especially if they in any way line up with a stereotype.


I see this a lot with posts on TikTok, when I share a negative pattern or behavior and some of the comments are recognition, agreement, nuance of the pattern - and some are claims that the post is polyphobic, that I must hate polyamorous people if I'm sharing this, and that I'm ruining community representation. I think it's more important to share the good, the bad, and the realistic, than to create a false impression that polyamory is more enlightened than monogamy, or that we never have problems or bad actors in our community. People are the same all over, and that includes both good and bad.




There is some drive, with a blog like this, to share "a problem and a solution" together so that we tie things up neatly - but life often isn't as neat as all that. It's complicated and emotional and a little messy and the neat answer gets you close but not quite there. The result of that is for some people they get bummed out and disillusioned by reality and for others, it feels like "how can this work if it isn't like show/movie/book?" but just like romcoms aren't monogamy, textbooks and reality shows about triads aren't polyamory. It's okay (and maybe preferable) to let all our media get a little messier.

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yanc feng
25 ene

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Jamiel Vanser
03 nov 2024

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Sean See
Sean See
28 oct 2024

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Sam Dillard
Sam Dillard
16 jul 2024

The clean response brings you close, but not quite, to the complex, emotional, and rather chaotic situation. Snow Rider

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Lisa Lisa
Lisa Lisa
04 jul 2024

In fact, many people confuse polyamory with polygamy and open relationships. But all of these types of relationships have significant differences. I suggest you read the information about the open relationship dating site and find out what each type of relationship is. Perhaps you will want to join a large dating community to build open relationships.

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