When is "Some Day?"
- Laura Boyle
- Jun 8, 2023
- 3 min read
Everyone has different landmarks and moments that matter to them in relationships. As I've been conducting a study of polyamorous households and doing follow-up interviews with folks off of that that includes how they handle finances, one common theme - with enormously differing answers - that I've noticed is that folks feel like they can include expenses of gifts, anniversaries, and vacations with non-nesting partners in the household budget "When they're serious enough," "some day." What "serious" means, or how long "some day" needs to be, is the part that varies enormously.**
Virtually all the non-polyfidelitous groups I spoke to included some amount of money for dating in their household budgets (if they kept one) or assumed that this was coming out of "individual money" and were splitting finances in a way that prioritized "individual money." But it has been interesting to see that so many households line item or assume that they as a household will be saving for some kind of vacation (even if it's an every couple of year thing) and that so will the relationships outside their home once they cross some mystical line of "seriousness."

I recognize this logic. I really like going away for the weekend with my partner of several years about once a year; even though we manage it because we bring each other along on work trips or extend stays on work trips to "good" places. It feels like we're prioritizing each other to take more time at once than our date time that gets carved out of very busy weeks at home. We did this for the first time at a conference that happened to fall close to our anniversary and going away during the spring kind of feels like an anniversary trip even though it isn't - it's a nice marker of passage of time. For those of us who don't get the escalator steps of moving in, wedding, babies, it can feel like trips are 'a top step.' So in that sense, folks including them in their planning is attentive, kind, and positive.
The sheer variety of answers of "What is serious?" "When is serious?" "When do we start including these as line items we plan for?" really interests me as I process all this data and write, though. I think some of the variety is because polyamorous people are more used to long distance relationships and traveling for compatibility, so for those folks the "serious"/"not" threshold is much lower or less significant. If you care, you will include it and save and travel. Versus for folks who primarily date locally, or have lower budgets overall, or are saving a Lot to travel with kids first, travel is A Big Deal, and relationships must Be Very Serious to rate being included in this calculus. These are the folks who included multi-year time thresholds and big emotional commitments in their descriptions to me when I asked what they meant. Travel and seriousness can also be held as a way to maintain certain activities as kind of hierarchically defined - if you're serious enough you're allowed into the travel circle with the nesting partners. Very few respondents were doing that intentionally - but it felt like connotation and subtext to the emphasis on seriousness being required for outlay of money. I don't carry judgement around anyone doing this differently from anyone else, I just find it interesting that there is such a variety in such a relatively small sample as the just over a hundred people who responded to that specific followup question.
What relationship landmarks and thresholds make a relationship feel serious for you? Is travel one of them?
**questions about finances in detail were asked in follow-up questions and folks who offered travel as a concern in their responses got asked still more follow-ups, in which I have noticed these patterns and variations.
Such a beautifully reflective piece. ✨ “Some day” is often the excuse we give ourselves while life quietly passes by. This was a great reminder to act with intention and make space for the things that truly matter — today, not tomorrow.
Also, if you ever need a light-hearted pause between deep thoughts, I recently stumbled across this fun little game: https://wackyflipgame.net/ — it’s quirky, full of flips and laughs, and a nice way to unwind. 🎮☁️
This really hit home. 💭 It’s so easy to fall into the “some day” mindset and keep postponing the things that matter most. Loved the gentle reminder that today is just as good a day to begin. Thoughtful and motivating read — thank you for sharing this.
Also, if you're ever looking for something fun and creative to recharge your brain, I recently came across this site: https://sprunki-mods.net/ — full of interesting and free game mods. Worth checking out! 🎮✨
What makes Funny Shooter 2 particularly appealing is its accessibility. The games are unblocked and freely available to play directly in your browser, eliminating the need for downloads or installations. This makes it an ideal choice for gaming enthusiasts who want to jump straight into the action without barriers.The website also fosters a sense of community, featuring multiplayer options that allow you to connect with fellow gamers, compete in challenges, and share your gaming experiences. if you like shooter game, can visit funny shooter2
If you like shopping game, can visit shopaholic hame
Discover unique and addictive browser games at Sprunki Phase – casual, creative, and completely free to play online!
Play fun and exciting 3D web games at Crazy3D – action, puzzle, racing and more, all free online!